The Drunken Endeavors of Haymitch Abernathy
by Doc95
Summary: Follow everyone's favorite drunkard through some hilarious drunken adventures. Rated T for. . . well, its Haymitch Abernathy after all.


The Drunken Endeavors of Haymitch Abernathy

**Chapter One: Karaoke Night**

**Chapter Two: Bare Bottoms and Bear rugs**

**Chapter Three: A Set of Lips**

**Chapter Four: Gravity is never your Friend**

**Chapter Five:**

**Chapter Six:**

**Chapter Seven:**

**Chapter Eight:**

**Chapter Nine:**

**Chapter Ten: **

Karaoke Night

The long haired, fifty-something year old, Hunger Games victor downs another bottle of scotch. He turns around to look at his surroundings. The bar was dark and smelt of stale beer. Not that Haymitch minded much. Haymitch watched a younger, less drunken woman walk up to the stage that was at the far end of the bar. She grabbed the microphone just as the music began.

_I come home in the morning light_

_My mother says when you gonna live your life right_

_Oh mother dear we're not the fortunate ones_

_And girls they want to have fun_

_Oh girls just want to have fun_

_That's all they really want some fun_

_When the working day is done_

_Girls- they want to have fun _

_Oh girls just want to have fun_

Haymitch begins to think to himself, "Now that looks like fun!" So, after a few more shots of the finest Russian Vodka in all of Panem, took the stage.

_Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world_

_She took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_Just a city boy, born and raised in south Detroit_

_He took the midnight train goin' anywhere_

_A singer in a smokey room_

_A smell of wine and cheap perfume_

_For a smile they can share the night_

_It goes on and on and on and on_

_Strangers waiting, up and down the boulevard_

_Their shadows searching in the night_

_Streetlights people, living just to find emotion_

_Hiding, somewhere in the night._

_Working hard to get my fill,_

_Everybody wants a thrill_

_Payin' anything to roll the dice,_

_Just one more time_

_Some will win, some will lose_

_Some were born to sing the blues_

_Oh, the movie never ends_

_It goes on and on and on and on_

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on to the feelin'_

_Streetlights people_

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on_

_Streetlight people_

_Don't stop believin'_

_Hold on to the feelin'_

_Streetlights people_

The crowd in the bar goes wild. Haymitch takes a few more shots before jumping right into his next song.

_super cool_

_I pimp to the beat, walking down the street in my new la freak, yeah_

_This is how I roll, animal print pants out control_

Haymitch rips off his old, faded jeans to reveal a leopard print spedo.

_It's Red Foo with the big afro_

_An like Bruce Leroy I got the glow, yo_

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

Haymitch flexes his arms over and over again.

_I-I-I work out_

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

_I-I-I work out_

_When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)_

Haymitch makes an "I'm watching you" hand motion to the audience and receives a mixture of whistles and hoots.

_Everybody stops and they staring at me_

_I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it..._

Haymitch pelvic thrusts towards the audience and receives more whistles.

_I'm sexy and I know it (x2)_

_Yo, when I'm at the mall, security just can't find them all_

_When I'm at the beach, I'm in a speedo trying to tan my cheeks (whaat?)_

Haymitch turns around, his back facing the audience, and gives his buttocks a firm smack.

_This is how I roll, come on ladies it's time to go_

_We headed to the bar, baby don't be nervous_

_No shoes, no shirt, and I still get service (watch!)_

Haymitch rips off his shirt, revealing a gray haired but still firm chest.

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

_I-I-I work out_

_(Ahhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

_I-I-I work out_

_When I walk in the spot, (yea) this is what I see (okaay)_

_Everybody stops and they staring at me_

_I got a passion in my pants and I ain't afraid to show it, show it, show it, show it..._

_I'm sexy and I know it_

_Ayyy_

_I'm sexy and I know it_

_Check it out, check it out_

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wiggle yeah (x3)_

Haymitch starts wiggling his arms and upper body awkwardly.

_Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle, wig-yea, yea_

_Do the wiggle, man_

_I do the wiggle, man (yea)_

_I'm sexy and I know it..._

_Ayyy, yeah_

_(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

_I-I-I work out_

_(Ahhhh) Girl look at that body (x3)_

_I-I-I work out_

_I'M SEXY AND I KNOW IT._

Haymitch, drunk and way too into the moment, stage dives and lands with a loud thump on the wooden floor of the bar.


End file.
